Never Think
by X5 - 452
Summary: One shot. Blackwater. Leah finally accepts that Jacob is holding on, for better or worse. Whatever she does, he's not letting her go. Based on Never Think by Robert Pattinson from the Twilight Soundtrack.


AN: I know I know, I said I was going to upload Falling into Darkness but I found this one shot that I had pretty much finished and figured I would pop it up in the meantime. I will upload the first chapter for Falling into Darkness this week, probably on the weekend. If anyone wants to Beta my new story that would be awesome! I'm awful with punctuation and checking plurals etc. Thanks for reading! Review if you like it and love Blackwater as much as I do! The little paragraphs are based around the lyrics.

**Never Think**

_I should never think  
What's in your heart  
What's in our home  
So I Won't  
_

I knew that he would leave me eventually. It was inevitable, like the sun rising every morning and the day turning into night. I knew that he was only with me until his baby Nessie was old enough. He swore that wouldn't happen but I knew that it would. No one could fight an imprint, not even Jacob Black.

Most nights I lie awake, wondering when Jake will come home. When he finally does he has that dazed look on his face, the look of joy at having spent time with the love of his life. I wished that he would look that way after spending time with me, but I am not the love of his life, no matter how much I want to be. He eventually comes to his senses and snuggles into me, and it is my name he calls as we melt together but afterwards when he falls asleep I lie there watching him, knowing he is dreaming about Nessie. I console myself with the knowledge that, for now, he is mine. For now I am in his heart and he is in my home and I refuse to think further than day by day.

Seth is worried about me, I know he is. He had started to resent Jake, to avoid him; hating Jacob for making me like this, for fixing my heart only to break it again. I remember Seth once asked me how I could be with Jacob knowing that I was his second choice. He couldn't understand how I could be with him and love him like I did when I knew that he would leave me. It was easy, I had told him with a sad smile, I just didn't think about it. I made sure to never think about it.

_You'll learn to hate me  
But still call me baby  
Oh Love  
So call me by my name  
_  
"Why are you still here? Go! Go to your precious little imprint!" I spat at him throwing a vase at his head and Jake dodged it as it shattered above his head but didn't move. He was stubborn, almost as stubborn as I was.

"Leah, I don't want to," he said slowly and I shivered with rage.

"Don't lie to me, I don't deserve that," I growled at him and Jake rolled his eyes and held his hands up in the air with annoyance. I ran at him and slapped his face as tears started pouring down my own face I screamed, "stop lying!"

"I'm not lying!" he yelled at me, forgetting to lower his voice since Seth was sleeping over and he grabbed my hands to stop the assault on his body. I collapsed into his broad chest sobbing.

"Yes you are, everything you have ever said to me is a lie," I whispered looking up into his eyes, "Everything!"

"I love you Leah," Jake said and I wanted so much to believe him but instead I pulled away from him.

"You're lying," I accused him with a cold glare, and then I said as icily as possible, "I hate you."

"No you don't," Jake said automatically and I backed away from him.

"I do, I really hate you for doing this to me," I said wrapping my arms around my body, my eyes not leaving him.

Jake flinched as though I had punched him. He backed away from me his face hurt by my words and then he silently turned and left the house. I stood there watching him go; I knew he would not be coming back soon, if indeed he did come back. This was how it always was when we fought, but I had never pushed him this far before. I padded up the stairs and saw Seth standing at his door leaning on the door frame, arms folded across his chest.

"Why do you do this Leah?" Seth asked, his voice almost scolding and I sighed tiredly.

"Go to bed Seth."

"One day he's not going to come back," Seth threatened and I turned dead eyes to him. He winced at my expression.

"Not coming back will be the best thing he ever does," I said darkly then I turned away abruptly, afraid that I would cry in front of him and I walked towards my room, "Go to bed Seth."

I lay in bed staring up at the ceiling when I heard the front door open. I turned onto my stomach and buried my face into my pillow and started crying with relief. He came back. I heard my bedroom door open and close and I felt his warm body collapse onto the bed next to mine. I felt his arms wrap around me as he buried his face in my hair.

"Leah, please don't push me away, don't do this," he whispered, his voice choked with emotion and I shifted so that we were facing each other and I reached up hesitantly to touch his face, "please don't push me away babe."

"Jake," I whispered his name and he bent his head and kissed me desperately, like he never wanted to let me go.

_And save your soul  
save your soul  
Before you're too far gone  
Before nothing can be done  
_

Our next fight had him leave me for good. I couldn't help it. Didn't he see that I had to push him away before he left me? I had seen Nessie, she was gorgeous, and she was more than old enough now, I knew it was only a matter of time before he left me for her.

Two months passed by and I didn't hear from him. Imagine my surprise when I received a phone call from Bella asking to meet me in Seattle. I was late, but I didn't care as I collapsed into the chair and glared at Bella. I hated Bella; she had everything I had ever wanted, apart from being a stinking vampire.

"Jake is lost without you," Bella didn't mince her words and I shrugged, trying to appear uncaring.

"He will be fine; he has your daughter now."

"Renesmee may be his soul mate but you are his heart and soul Leah," Bella said leaning across the table at me and I leaned away from her, from her words and her stench.

"That counts for nothing against imprinting," I retorted and Bella pursed her lips together. Clearly this was not going the way Bella wanted it to go. Did she really expect me to confess I was wrong and race to get him back?

"Tell him you love him, before this goes too far," Bella said after a long silence and I got to my feet glaring down at her.

"There is nothing to tell, nothing to be done, don't you understand Bella? It's over," I said coldly then I turned and walked away. I stopped by the window to take a last look at Bella and she was staring at me her face full of sadness.

She didn't know anything. Stinking bloodsucker.

_I'll try to decide where  
She'll lie in the end  
I ain't got no fight in me _

Jacob was standing on my doorstep, drenched from the rain pouring outside. Thunder crashed in the distance, neither of us noticed. Our eyes never left the other. I opened my mouth to say something but then forgot what I was going to say. Jacob opened his mouth then closed it immediately. His hand reached for me then dropped. I reached out my hand for him hesitantly and Jacob grabbed my hand tugging me to his broad chest. His arms enveloped me as he buried his face in my hair and breathed in my scent. I felt the tears start to fall. I don't know how he knew I needed him right now but I was grateful for him. I had missed him so much I wasn't sure how much longer I could live without him.

"I can't fight you away anymore," I whispered nuzzling into his shoulder lovingly, "I don't want to."

"Good, because I'm not going anywhere," Jacob replied smugly stroking my hair gently and I peeked up at his face.

"What about Nessie?" I asked, and a look crossed Jacob's face that I didn't miss.

"She wants me to be happy," Jacob told me sincerely and I hugged him tightly and shivered happily when he whispered, "I'm happy with you, I'm holding on to you babe, I'm not letting go."

I had no more fight left in me, I wasn't going to fight him anymore, I wasn't going to fight us. Jacob was the man of my dreams and I was the girl he chose.

_In this whole damn world  
Tell you to hold off  
You choose to hold on  
It's the one thing that I've known  
_

I was curled up on the floor naked in the bathroom, my blood soaked clothes in a heap. Just looking at them made my stomach hurt knowing that I had lost a child. Why had this happened to me? This was my body telling me I was never meant to be a mother. I was never meant to be the one to bear Jacob a child.

"Leah, god Leah let me in," Jacob pleaded from the other side of the bathroom door and I squeezed my eyes shut. He deserved better than this, he deserved better than me. Why did he persist in loving me like this? I couldn't give him a family. My body would reject the baby, just like it did today. My baby boy, my sweet baby boy that I never got to meet.

"Jake please just go away, leave me alone," I forced my voice to be cold and I heard Jacob wiggle the doorknob and then silence. A new batch of tears came falling down my face knowing that he had left me here alone just like I said I wanted.

Suddenly the bathroom door slammed open as Jacob barged into the bathroom and in a second his arms were lifting me off the floor, wrapping his warm arms around me lovingly.

"No Leah, no, I'm holding on to you, I'm not letting go," Jacob swore to me, kissing my temple and I shuddered and cried against him, clutching at his shirt for fear life.

"I know," I whispered holding him tighter and Jacob stroked my hair gently, "You're the one thing I know."

_Once I put my coat on  
I'm coming out of this all wrong  
She's standing outside holding me  
Saying oh please  
I'm in love  
I'm in love  
Girl save your soul  
Go on save your soul  
Before it's too far gone  
And before nothing can be done _

"I imprinted."

That was all I had to say and Jake's face turned murderous. He knew I couldn't help it, but that didn't mean he had to like it.

"Who is it?" Jake demanded and I nervously inspected my fingernails for invisible dirt.

"A guy from the Makah Reservation, Embry's cousin," I informed him quickly and Jake's face took on a hurt look at my lack of emotion. He came to stand in front of me and lifted my chin with his hands.

"Does he like you?"

"He told Embry he thinks I'm pretty."

"Do you want to be with him?"

"Wouldn't that make this easier for everyone?"

Jake stared at me, hurt by my words then he grabbed his coat and started for the door. I wanted to slap myself. Everything was coming out wrong. I ran after him and wrapped my arms around his waist, holding onto him.

"I'm in love with you Jake, imprint or not, I'm in love with you."

_'Cause without me  
You got it all  
So hold on  
Without me you got it all  
So hold on  
Without me you got it all  
Without me you got it all  
So hold on _

I sat on the porch with Jacob, nestled in between his legs as we watched the sun set in the distance. We waved goodbye as Nessie and Seth piled their two kids into the car and drove away. The house became completely silent which was a welcome change. Alisalie, which was Alice and Rosalie joined together and EJ, which was a dedicated to Emmett and Jasper were great kids, our very spoiled niece and nephew but they also had an endless amount of energy and they were exhausting to have around. Jacob held me close to him and stroked my hair gently.

"Without me you could have had it all," I murmured referring to the happy family that Seth, Nessie and their children made. Jacob could have married Nessie and he could have had those two beautiful children with her. Jacob chuckled, kissing my neck.

"I'll never regret choosing you," Jacob promised me his hands squeezing mine, "Remember I promised to hold on and I plan to do just that for the rest of my life. I'm holding on to you Leah Clearwater and I am never letting you go."

I pulled Jacob's hands to my enlarged stomach and sighed with content. I was seven months along, and I was hoping hard that this time my baby would survive. So far so good, Jacob would say often rubbing my belly, just take one step at a time. Only two months left to go.

_Hold on baby, hold on_, I thought to the child resting in my belly and I felt the baby kick in response. Jacob and I looked into each others eyes and smiled.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

_Without me you got it all  
So hold on  
Without me you got it all  
So hold on  
Hold on_

AN: Yeah, yeah, so I did a nice little softy ending. There is so much angst going around, Leah needs her damn happy ending! If you don't like it you better start running cos I will set Leah on you and she will kick your butt! :) Anyway, ok I really gotta upload this Falling into Darkness this week. Be patient my darlings its coming along!!!


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